Baseball is getting into cryptocurrency? FUCK YEAH.
But what if they got into cryptocurrency...more?
IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING!
Do you see that? Do you see where it says “Much more coming soon,” implying that not only will more be coming soon, but MUCH more will be coming soon? This is it. This is huge. This COULD NOT be more exciting.
Now, nothing’s been officially announced yet, but it’s not hard to read between the lines. Baseball, as you can see above, has a handshake agreement with crypto. They have an official cryptocurrency partner. They tweeted this on Tuesday:
What would advocates of the dogecoin cryptocurrency would frequently proclaim as they insisted it would appreciate in value? That’s right, “To the moon!” MLB isn’t taking an existing cryptocurrency to the moon. MLB is starting its own coin.
Now, “technically” this is all speculation or whatever, and articles about the deal just mention FTX becoming MLB’s official cryptocurrency partner and umpires wearing FTX ads on their jerseys and nothing about the league’s own coin, but if you read between the lines it couldn’t be more obvious, and so I’m going to proceed as if this stone-cold lock has already been announced, because it basically has. Remember, if MLB doesn’t start its own cryptocurrency after this, it’s because this newsletter’s massive reach has ruined the surprise, and therefore it’s not worth doing anymore.
So Major League Baseball is going to start its own crypto. Because I’m tired of typing the word “crypto,” and also for the purposes of looking smart with a prediction, we need to come up with a name for it. Basecoin and ballcoin are both out, sadly; basecoin went bust in 2018 and ballcoin is currently operating. Sportscoin won’t work, nor will Robcoin. Mancoin and Fredcoin are both available, but I bet Rob Manfred doesn’t want to name the thing after himself, so we’ll assume those won’t be it.
Instead, we’ll reach back into baseball’s history and go with…Ruthcoin. In the coming days, Major League Baseball will unveil Ruthcoin to the world, telling everyone that they can purchase it exclusively on their Blockfolio account, brought to you by FTX.
This is the natural next step for Major League Baseball. For too long, baseball has been defined by what happens on the field, forcing fans to only engage with the aspects of the sport that are unique to the sport. Last year, they started to branch out into gambling, which can only produce positive results that absolutely do not corrode the core of the game, and now they’re finally reaching their tendrils out to plumb the fertile valleys of Ruthcoin.
Just imagine how Ruthcoin will benefit you, the fan. You'll be able to use it to buy tickets. You'll be able to use it to buy concessions, and items at the team store, and since MLB controls the miners now, you'll be able to buy those tickets too. It'll be a whole new world for you, all brought to you by Major League Baseball.
How will Ruthcoin benefit Major League Baseball? Friends, the question is really how won’t it benefit Major League Baseball. Ruthcoin is the wave of the future. It is long past time for owners to be able to pay players in luxurious league scrip instead of common American money. What possible harm could come from creating a shadow economy controlled by the whims of 30 groups of billionaires? And isn’t it about time for the league to finally focus on something other than baseball?
Look, the plain truth is that baseball is dying because the noble owners have been faced with a choice between (A) growing the game by making it accessible to all and (B) making more money. What is a man to do in this situation? Should he abandon the very principles that allowed him to own a Major League Baseball team? No, of course not. Living in fear is no way to live.
So here comes Ruthcoin, allowing baseball to expand its focus beyond the prosaic reaches of pure sport. The Giants already have a burgeoning real estate empire under construction, and diversifying into cryptocurrency will allow them, along with the other 29 major league teams, to enjoy more sources of revenue. These additional revenue streams will bring in additional operating capital, which the teams will be able to use to then develop more real estate. In this way, the actual playing of baseball will become ancillary to the business of Major League Baseball, as God intended.
It will, of course, be a disappointment if MLB doesn’t announce Ruthcoin in the near future and the deal with FTX only extends to the umpires advertising their service. But that, at least, will still make the owners a modicum of additional money, and every little bit counts. The purpose of baseball, of course, is for rich people to turn a profit, and anything that helps with that is a net benefit.
So even if the league doesn’t have the courage to launch its proprietary cryptocurrency, we can rest assured knowing that the owners will stop at nothing to make more money, other than growing the game in the long run through ensuring young people can watch games on TV and afford to attend in person. But who needs any of that when you’ve got the future in your hand, and its name is Ruthcoin.