Max Scherzer drives a Porsche so the players are a bunch of whiny fucking babies
They should do what their betters (the owners) tell them and thank them for the privilege
Fuck.
Fuck, you guys.
Fuck.
I’ve been on this pro-player kick here for a while, saying how the owners are assholes, and how they are locking out the players unnecessarily, and how this entire labor disaster is entirely the fault of the side who’s already disproportionately benefiting demanding they be allowed to benefit even more. And then what happens? The AP breaks this story wide open:
This changes everything. Who could have imagined that a man who will make $130 million over the next three years would dare to arrive to a labor negotiation in a nice car? How could we have all been so blind? What justification is there to still support this man in his fight against baseball’s owners?
Look, what kinds of cars do the owners drive? I don’t know. Neither do you. Neither does the Associated Press. But here’s what we all do know: Max Scherzer drives a Porsche. Do you see how that presents a problem? If we play the numbers, the best selling car of all time is the Toyota Corolla, so statistically speaking, every owner probably drives one. That’s just math. And here comes Mad Max Scherzer, showing them up in his expensive Porsche that he bought with their money that they benevolently bestowed upon him for playing baseball. It’s not right! It’s just not right.
How are owners supposed to take this other than as an intimidation tactic? Like, “I’ve got my fancy car because I win things and I’m gonna win this thing too.” Sure, you could argue that Scherzer has tons of guaranteed money coming his way if he agrees to any deal and he’s really doing an admirable job of holding the line for younger players who don’t have his advantages, like this guy did:
But that ignores the fact that a reporter saw a baseball player had bought something expensive and thought it was notable enough to be his lede for the story, a lede that was only changed after a mob of reprehensible pro-player social media users — probably communists, if we’re being honest — deluged the AP with angry tweets about their patriotic stand against Max Scherzer owning a Porsche.
This is cancel culture run amok. If a reporter wants to have a disgustingly pro-owner bias in his article for the AP because it makes his bosses happy and this is the way he’s operated for his entire career and doesn’t want to reflect or grow or change in any way, then he should get to do that. It’s called freedom, people.
I’m sorry it might seem like I’m going overboard here but I desperately have to get angry about this because otherwise I’ll have to write up a whole take on Russia invading Ukraine and no one wants that, least of all me.
Do the players have legitimate gripes? I mean, I guess. Apparently the league’s going to make way more money off of their national TV deal starting this year and they’re offering the players barely any of it. But barely any is more than none! Think of the business savvy it must have taken the brilliant owners to negotiate a new TV deal when they would make a lot of money off of it. You can’t come up with the insight to do that without being a business genius.
But you know who’s not a business genius? Max Scherzer, who instead of spending his money on guaranteed investments like nepotism and baseball teams bought himself a fancy car. If instead he had put that money into something that really bears fruit, like Dick Monfort did when he was born to his very rich father Kenny Monfort. Because Dick Monfort was bound to inherit lots of money when his father died, he had what people call “passive income.”
All of Max Scherzer’s income is active. There’s nothing more active than throwing a baseball past a hitter to a catcher. Dick Monfort, meanwhile, got a lot of money when his dad died, and he didn’t waste it on a sports car, or if he did, at least I don’t know about it.
Is MLB offering players peanuts in comparison to the increase in revenues that they are certain to see in the upcoming years? Absolutely. But is that bad? Well if you consider that a player will probably put everything he owns into Dogecoin, and an owner will sock it away in an overseas bank so as to have cash on hand after the Great Collapse that will reduce civilization to mud, well, you can see who the smart one is.
It is shocking that Max Scherzer drove a Porsche to a meeting, and he is a symbol of everything the players are doing wrong. The story here is not one journalist kowtowing to power, but one player enjoying any aspect of his success. This is wrong and it must be stopped. The only people allowed to enjoy success are baseball’s owners, and only because they are not shoving it in our faces at this exact moment right now.
Max Scherzer was pictured with his Porsche yesterday. This is the greatest scandal that the world has ever seen and I am glad that we have this symbold of decadent horror, the only thing in the world that is currently going wrong.