The talent agent says "What an act! What do you call it?" The guy says "The Aristomets!"
You've been great, folks. Tip your veal.
The Mets came into town Sunday night at…
Sorry, let me try that again.
The Mets came into town Monday morning at 3:55 AM. Mike Krukow estimated on last night’s broadcast that they probably got to bed around 5 or 6 in the morning. As someone whose work schedule has ensured that I’ve been sleep deprived for most of the last two weeks, I have a lot of sympathy for their situation and also I think anything that makes them less likely to beat the Giants is good. Sorry, guys!
But we’re not here to talk about one specific situation. We’re here to talk about the Mets. The New York Mets, of baseball. Because folks, it’s the year 2021 and we’re taking a trip to Metsville.
I don’t know why the Mets aren’t allowed to have nice things. I don’t know why their joy all turns to ashes in their mouth, to coin a phrase that definitely wasn’t on Game of Thrones. But that seems to be the situation, and there’s never a way out.
You can think of the ownership situation, where for years they were owned by the Wilpons, who were cheap as hell and also had been scammed by Bernie Madoff'; they had a deal to sell to Steve Cohen in February of 2020, but that fell through and eventually the two sides finalized a deal in October. Cohen came in talking a big game about investing in the team and the farm system, and then two weeks ago the Mets declined to offer their first round draft pick, Kumar Rocker, a deal.
It was reported that the Mets saw something in Rocker’s medical records that reminded them of Mark Appel and scared them off. Maybe they’re right. But from here, they sure look like the New York Mets, and after Rocker signs with the Rays and they convert him to a left-handed knuckleballer while his right arm heals, the Mets are going to end up with egg on their collective team face.
You can think of Jacob deGrom, who was on his way to baseball’s greatest pitching season in decades before injury caught up with him. Except his injury didn’t stop him cold in his tracks; he would throw fewer and fewer pitches in every start until finally starting to miss games, at which point the duration of the injury would stretch out longer and longer. Now he might miss the whole season, but also maybe not! If we’re being honest, they have no idea what’s going on.
And this is, uh, definitely not the first time the Mets medical staff has been publicly flummoxed. Noah Syndergaard has been on and off the IL constantly in his career; Matt Harvey’s career fell apart because of injuries; David Wright’s spine was a constant soap opera for years; the team did a terrible job treating concussions to Ryan Church and Jason Bay; Yoenis Cespedes returned from his injury too early and badly hurt himself in the process. Also, there were more, but we can’t be here all day.
“Hey,” you might be saying. “Those are just a bunch of injuries. It’s unfair to paint the Mets as a circus for having injuries.” That would be true, if the Mets WEREN’T A DAMN CIRCUS. They spent a decade dealing with near-constant misdiagnoses and dysfunction within the medical side of the organization. If any team has earned a total lack of faith in their ability to help baseball players heal, it’s the New York Mets.
It’s not just the medical staff, though. You might recall Wilmer Flores crying on the field in 2014 after learning he’d been traded to the Brewers (the trade fell through, and Flores remained a Met for several years). You might also recall this:
There is just something about the Mets that will never allow them to be a normal baseball team. They will always be the hapless fools, even when they’re in first place, because you know that the longer a Mets team is in first, the worse it’ll feel when they inevitably collapse. Carlos Beltran will stare at strike 3, or they’ll blow the division in back to back years, or the Royals will get to Matt Harvey when he’s been left in Game 5 too long, or Jeurys Familia will not turn out to be better than Conor Gillaspie.
The Mets got to San Francisco extremely late Sunday night/Monday morning because MLB screwed them over. MLB screwed them over because they’re the Mets and Baseball understands their role. Yes, this is the team to whom you give a ridiculous travel schedule. This is the team that carefully positions itself in order to best fall on its own face. The Mets are funny. The Mets are delightful. If the Mets didn’t exist, it would be necessary to invent them.