If there’s one question that we as Giants fans should be asking the baseball media, it’s this:
Are we a joke to you?
Do you think we don’t know how this shit works? Do you think we haven’t figured the game out? That you can just keep pulling the rug out from under our feet, insisting we stand on that rug over there, and then repeating the cycle indefinitely? Do you think we’re not onto you?
WE COULDN’T BE MORE ONTO YOU.
Yes, the Giants are now being talked about as favorites to land Yoshinobu Yamamoto in free agency. Yamamoto is not only seen as the best pitcher available this offseason (we are putting Shohei Ohtani in another bucket, thank you very much), but he has an argument for being the best Japanese pitcher ever posted. In other words, he’s real, real good. And the Giants are said to have the best shot at signing him! Isn’t that something?
NO YOU IDIOT NO IT’S NOT SOMETHING
GOD HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS SHIT
The Giants never actually get the guy. They’re threats to get the guy, or favorites to get the guy, or This One Agent Says That they’re the dark horse to get the guy and watch out for their the guy-related strategy, but the guy does not end up in San Francisco. And yet, every offseason, there’s some rumor that-
Damn it, Susan, I was in the middle of a sentence!
There is buzz around the Giants. They may or may not have an edge. Rumors have swirled that as locations go, the Giants are “eminently plausible.” But after years and years of Jon Lester and Giancarlo Stanton and Bruce Harper and Aaron Judge all saying no, I need the contract signed in ink to be sure. Possibly in blood, but I can be negotiated down to ink if some of the other terms are friendly enough. Make me an offer!
Because, look, at this point it’s obviously not worth it for me to get my hopes up. What good have my hopes ever done? The Giants will do what they do regardless of what I want, so obviously the smart move here is to overcome desire itself and transcend the material plane of existence, becoming one with the universe in order to contend with the most arcane mysteries of life. I figure I can do that before lunch if I really feel like it, but I’m not in the mood right now. Maybe tomorrow.
It is possible that the Giants sign Yamamoto. It is more likely that they do not. The hype cycle will not affect this possibility one way or the other. Because of the team’s deep pockets and desperation to spend on marquee free agents, it has probably become more likely that the Giants get him with the news of the price going up:
But it’s by no means a sure thing. And I can’t speak for anyone else, but the baseball-shaped calluses around my heart aren’t melting away so easily. The team will sign him or they won’t. He’ll be good or he won’t. He’ll cost a lot of money and that won’t be my problem. I, for one, simply won’t by drawn in by the circus anymore. At some point, you just have to let go and allow-
AHHHHH IT’S HAPPENING EVERYONE IT’S HAPPENING GET EXCITED IT’S 100% ON OHTANI TO THE GIANTS CONFIRMED I’M PRINTING A CUSTOM JERSEY RIGHT NOW GOTTA BE FIRST IN LINE THANK YOU FOR YOUR INSTAGRAM SERVICE LOGAN WEBB IT WILL NOT BE SOON FORGOTTEN.
Dear Maestro,
Your 'baseball-shaped calluses around [your] heart' briefly stopped sending blood to your brain.
We're not getting Ohtani. Or Yamamoto. Never. Nunca. Niente.
- Logan Webb