The Cardinals are going to make the playoffs as the second Wild Card team.
This is not technically a done deal — the Reds, Phillies, and Padres are all 4 or 5 games behind the Cardinals in the standings, which can be made up over the last 11 games of the season — but on the other hand, it is absolutely a done deal. The Cardinals have won 8 billion games in a row, they’re streaking into the playoffs, and their competition has all collapsed. They probably won't lose 4 games before the end of the season, and it’s possible no one chasing them wins 4 games before the end of the season. It’s over.
And to that I say: uuggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh
The only real specific animosity a Giants fan should have towards the Cardinals because of a Giants-Cardinals playoff series is from 1987, so to an outside observer it might be hard to pin down why a Giants fan would be specifically annoyed at seeing the Cardinals. After all, since then the Giants have beaten the Cardinals in the 2002 NLCS, the 2012 NLCS, and the 2014 NLCS. The Giants have been the best line of defense against Cardinals Devil Magic, and a grateful nation of baseball fans has thanked them by hating the Giants dynasty slightly less than they otherwise would have.
The system works!
So why do Giants fans get so worked up about the Cardinals? It’s simple: they’re really goddamn annoying.
First off, they have Nolan Arenado and Paul Goldschmidt, who as I have previously mentioned in this space, I do not care for. Second, in 1988, Jose Oquendo hit Will Clark, who hit him back, and then got sucker punched by Ozzie Smith for his trouble, an offense for which TO THIS DAY there have been no prosecutions. Third, the Cardinals are responsible not just for the career of David Eckstein, but the cult of David Eckstein, which also meant Eckstein was on the Padres for multiple extremely irritating years.
Fourth, when they get on a roll in the playoffs, historically they’re almost impossible to stop: the 2006 Cardinals were by far the worst playoff team that year and they still won the World Series, and the 2011 Cardinals were down to their last strike multiple times in World Series Game 6 before winning that game and the next one. In 2012, they won the Wild Card Game against the Braves, in part due to a ridiculous infield fly rule call that the umpires made, and ultimately were only stopped by a Giants team that was down 3-1 in the series and started Barry Zito in Game 5, short-circuiting the devil magic machine through their massively illogical decision.
Fifth, and most importantly, their fans think they’re better than everyone else. They got the reputation of being Good Fans who Know The Game and are Classy, and they will not let you forget it, not ever. They loudly and angrily insist upon themselves, proclaiming their own greatness and that of their organization. They talk up Yadier Molina like he’s Johnny Bench crossed with Joan of Arc, when he’s not even the best catcher of his generation. They are, in short, the same as every other fanbase, except they so loudly insist that they are Better Than Other Fans that it makes the team look like a bunch of assholes just for being associated with them.
When you add that up, what does a game like this one become? It becomes so much more annoying than it would have been otherwise. Johnny Cueto, inconsistent since coming off the IL in May, actually has a good game and Wade LeBlanc — Wade LeBlanc is still in the majors??? — matches him. They score the lead run on an infield single (against a former Cardinal), and their closer walks two in the top of the ninth and then gets out of it.
None of that is right. None of that is how things should be. The Giants are one of the best hitting teams in the league and Wade LeBlanc has a 0.1 WAR this year in 49 innings. It is galling to watch a run score on an infield single. Closers should be punished for walking back-to-back hitters in the ninth.
And the fact that none of that happened just means that those Cardinals fans feel even more justified in their arrogance. They think they are special and that games like that are proof. They will loudly let you know about it. You think I’ve forgotten about this? I will NEVER forget, Cardinals fans. Never.
Here the Cardinals are again. They were a lot of games out of the Wild Card for months, but the Padres fell apart, and the Reds fell apart, and the Cardinals were able to sneak back in. The world contorted itself into pretzels just so that the Cardinals could make the playoffs. It’s not right. It’s not fair. I hope the Cardinals lose the Wild Card Game by 30 runs, unless they’re playing the Dodgers, in which case I hope they lose all 3 games of the Division Series by 40 runs.
There is no justice in a world that contains the St. Louis Cardinals, other than that meted out by the Giants. The Giants did not choose to be the sport’s policemen, but they had greatness thrust upon them. Once more, baseball is calling out to them to clean up the same mess. How heroic must one team be? This October, we’ll have to find out yet again.